I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I think i peed on brittanys purse
if only i could text you this smell
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
