It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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