She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
