um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
