it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
