Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
