best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Drake has all the answers
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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