Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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