you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
