i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
her facebook's as public as her vagina
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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