Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
