She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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