happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
