i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
