apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize