Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
