I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize
