I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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