I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
