don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
