Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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