Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I think i got beer on your cat.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
