Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
