I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Can I color on your dick again?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Drake has all the answers
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
