She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
