I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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