Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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