69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
