Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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