Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
