woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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