If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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