She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize