Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
