yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
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