the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
