Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
