Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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