Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize