and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
My life is pants optional.
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