I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
