Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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