I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
