Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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