she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
