wakey wakey hands off snakey
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
