so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
