I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
