who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
