you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
