My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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