Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
