I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
