My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
