She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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