I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
My breasts were aching with rage.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
