He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
