New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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