I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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