can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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