My balls are so social today.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
