There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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