i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
