Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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