WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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