i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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