The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
