I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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