you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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