Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
