Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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