I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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