Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
