I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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