I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
