Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize