I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
as a side note pls kill me
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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