even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
