Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
