I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
