I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
