Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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