she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
