i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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