3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
