I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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