is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I think a kid would responsible me up
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
