airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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