She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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