I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
