im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
