it wasn't lemon gatorade
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
